Book Review: The Envy of Eve by Melissa B. Kruger

A few weeks ago, Christian Focus Publications provided me with a copy of Melissa B. Kruger’s recent book, The Envy of Eve: Finding Contentment in a Covetous World, giving me the opportunity to participate in the book’s Blog Tour. I am grateful for the opportunity and excited to share this excellent book with readers of A Wonderful Providence.

            Melissa Kruger serves as Women’s Ministry Coordinator at Uptown Church (PCA) in Charlotte, North Carolina. Her book emerged from years of daily Bible study and prayer stretching back to her teen years, and as I read the book, it was easy to believe that her insights are the fruit of many years spent steeped in the Word. The book also contains plenty of helpful quotations from Reformed confessions and Puritan authors; it was refreshing to read an author who has been formed by the best of her tradition and writes in conversation with it.

            The nucleus for The Envy of Eve was Kruger’s recognition that gaining desired objects or goals did not lead to contentment in her life—an experience she found echoed in the life of woman after woman she talked with. While she found plenty of material written about the sin of idolatry, she observed that little has been written about the covetous desires that lead to idolatry—or about the unbelief that lies at the heart of covetousness. The goal of her book is to help women put off covetous patterns in their lives and put on the contentment that can only be found in Christ.

            The first part of the book, chapters 1–4, explores the nature of coveting. Kruger is careful to explain that greatly desiring something is not the same as coveting. Biblically, coveting is “an inordinate or culpable desire to possess, often that which belongs to another” (24). It is a sin pattern of the heart, not a set of outward circumstances. In fact, the root of coveting is unbelief in God’s goodness and sovereignty: “Essentially, our coveting accuses God of a failure to reign well over the events in our lives” (56). Coveting also reveals false beliefs about our purpose—true fulfillment is only found in relationship with our heavenly Father, not through our marriage, children, possessions, or job. Drawing on the examples of Eve in the garden and Achan in the book of Joshua, Kruger outlines the pattern of coveting she finds reflected in many biblical texts—the one who covets sees (the desired object), covets (seeing becomes mixed with unbelief), takes (from others and from God), and hides (often barring one from enjoying God’s gifts or one's relationships with others). But once this sinful pattern is recognized in our own lives, what can be done? Kruger beautifully shows how the cross of Christ gives power over the sin of coveting. The pattern is not broken by willpower alone. It is only overcome when we cultivate hunger for the pattern-breaker Himself. By His power living in us, we put on a new pattern of belief to replace the sinful pattern of unbelief: we learn to seek the Lord, desire rightly, give generously, and confess freely.

            The second half of the book (chapters 5–9) examines five areas in which women often struggle with covetous desires, including money and possessions, romantic relationships, and giftedness and abilities. Each chapter is grounded on a biblical example and gives practical counsel on how to replace covetous patterns with pursuit of the Lord. I found each of them to be wise, relatable, humbling, and encouraging. However, I’d like to focus on two chapters in particular that touched me deeply and which I hope will encourage you to pick up Kruger’s book for yourself.

            In Chapter 7, “Coveting within Family and Friendship,” Kruger focuses on relational coveting, which can arise when we wrongly try to have our needs met and our identities secured through relationships with family, friends, or mentors instead of through Christ. She points out that women can so easily observe relationships around them (something made easier through media like Facebook) and believe that others are experiencing fullness of life while her own relationships are mired in frustration (182)—“Many women are a bit of an Anne Shirley, waiting and longing for a kindred spirit to come into her life and fill her relationally.” I confess that in many ways, this has been the story of my life! While there is nothing wrong with longing for the gift of intimate friendship, the desire can turn idolatrous when it fosters discontentment, bitterness, and covetousness. In addition, this “comparison game” is based on an incomplete picture of others’ relationships and is preoccupied with what we can gain from others instead of how we can serve them. It fails to account for the effects of the Fall on every human relationship, and the fact that relationship with the Lord alone—finding satisfaction in Him and entrusting all of our other relationships to His provision—can truly fulfill. “[A woman seeking Christ] is secure enough in her relationship with Christ that she does not cling to the friendship, but rather treasures the friend.” (192)

            Drawing on the story of the Israelites’ sojourn in the desert, Chapter 8, “Coveting Seasons and Circumstances,” focuses on coveting life-stages different from our own. This, too, resonated painfully with me, as I have daily envied stages other than my own grad-student circumstances, imagining that if only I can get what I want, I will find abiding joy and purpose. Kruger counsels, “Whenever we are in a particular season [singleness, childlessness, motherhood, etc.], it is always easy to see the benefits of another woman’s season of life, while failing to consider or remember the struggles…Our coveting in this area demonstrates how firmly we believe in the promises of this world” rather than in the promises of God, who ordains every season in our lives toward the end of making us more like His Son (206–207). Again, it is presumptuous to assume that we see the full story of what God is weaving together in any person’s life. “When we covet in these circumstantial events, we are trusting in our own definition of goodness, rather than entrusting our lives to Him who works all things for our good.” (208–209) When we covet in this way, we also tend to isolate ourselves from friendship with women in other seasons of life, or to view them as means of measuring God’s goodness to us instead of learning to love them well. Contentment only comes when we believe and rest in God’s providential control of every circumstance.

            The goal of The Envy of Eve is not simply to reveal the sin in our hearts, but above all to recognize our overwhelming need for Jesus Christ. Only by cultivating a deeper affection for Him will we be able to let go of the vain promises of the world. The wonderful achievement of Kruger’s book is that it truly makes one hunger for time spent in Scripture, drinking deeply of God’s promises. I genuinely looked forward to starting each chapter because, while Kruger pulls no punches and drew me to repentance many times, she never left me wallowing in guilt: I was repeatedly pointed to the victory of the Cross and reminded that pursuit of Christ alone will transform my affections and bring contentment.

          For that reason, I happily recommend this book to my sisters in Christ. I believe you will find it both humbling and deeply hopeful. I thank the Lord for the gifts He has given Melissa Kruger, and I am grateful for Melissa’s willingness to use them to build up the Church.

Edited to add: Check out my friend Coralie's review of the book by clicking here!

Spring Semester 2012: Check!

For those who haven't heard, I wanted to officially post that, as of May 14, I completed my last semester of regular coursework. In the past few days, I also received word that I passed both my Greek and comprehensive exams, meaning that I was able to get through everything I'd aimed to accomplish this semester in order to be free and clear to pursue dissertation work. I am very relieved. I'm also thankful for the loving support of my husband, family, friends, and academic colleagues, without whom I'm sure I couldn't have done it.

Right now, I'm having a break for a couple of weeks. In June, I'll start transitioning into research mode. It will look a bit different from anything I've done so far because it will be more self-structured. I think I need to expect some trial and error in figuring out how I work best without someone else handing me a syllabus. (I mean, subtracting the two years in Berkeley, I have been taking classes for twenty-two years of my life!) But I'm generally looking forward to it, and my goal for the summer is to complete a draft of my dissertation proposal so that I can, I hope, get my topic formally approved in the fall.

This is the stage I've worked toward for many years, so it's really pretty exciting. My school is essentially saying, "You no longer need to pass exams or attend seminars or write papers to prove that you're capable of scholarly work." I can tell you that I have my own doubts, but I've really no choice but to take their word for it! I also know that, for all that the past four semesters has been a trial by fire (it has honestly felt like a series of hazing rituals at times!), the next step, of writing my own book, is going to be even more daunting in some ways.

But I'm very glad to be here, and again, I'm thankful to everyone who has helped make it possible for me to pursue this work, including praying me through this especially difficult semester. I love and appreciate each of you very much!

A glimpse of my domain

One of the things my university does well is that the grounds crew keeps our urban campus beautifully landscaped, every season of the year. I have really come to appreciate this.

If you were in St. Louis and ever came to visit me on campus (which would very possibly make my day, or week), this is probably the first spot I'd show you. It's a perfect place for a picnic and conversation (my friend R. and I meet there often). There are even goldfish!

There are also lots of nice fountains--four I can think of offhand. This one's actually a series of cascading pools, though that didn't come through in my shot.

Some of the architecture is lovely. This mansion is more than 120 years old and can be toured, apparently, though I have yet to venture inside myself.



Here is a palm tree. Yes! A palm tree! In Missouri!

So this is pretty funny. Every late spring/summer and into the early part of the fall, these large planters contain awkward-looking little palms. Throughout the rest of the year, they contain evergreen trees. On Tuesday, I finally got to see how this mysterious exchange occurs. It basically involves a gigantic truck and crane occupying the width of the West Pine Mall, hoisting the pines, and plopping the seasonally appropriate trees into place. It all seems a touch indulgent to me, but I have to admit, I smile each time I walk past them.

This is where I work. It's...not one of the more inspiring edifices on campus.

Neither is our office, which is totally a locked room in a basement. Fittingly ascetic, right?

My cubicle.

It's nice to know that when I emerge from the grad student dungeon (which I do, sometimes, I promise), there are some pretty things to look at. (As long as you avoid the heinous statues...but that's for another post.)

Pardon my introspection (and procrastination).

I  noticed that I hadn't said much about three of the things I had been most panicked over a short time ago: the Greek translation exam, the second-year comprehensive exam, and the provisional dissertation proposal I had to submit for one of my classes.

Part of this is because I have no results to report to you regarding the first two. I successfully took the exams (meaning I typed things and turned them in without throwing a fit, becoming ill, my computer crashing, or my brain drawing an utter blank -- all scenarios I had imagined), but I am still waiting for results from my department. What drama there was was actually not of my own making, this time; and, anyway, it's all past.

As for the last thing, the tentative dissertation topic I presented to my classmates was quite well received. Even my professor said that I have the makings of a "rich and textured" topic. So, the task of this summer will be carving out precisely what my angle is to be. I'm pretty excited really. Let me enjoy that optimism while it lasts!

All that's left of the semester, basically, is the usual end-of-semester batch of papers. I'd looked forward to this as the "easy" bit, and of course, sitting here, it's not. Even with comps done and the end of coursework clearly in sight, it's the same old wrestling with my will and stamina to do what needs doing. I ask myself the same tired questions about what I've done and where I'm going, whether it will all prove to have been worth it.

Grad school is, undeniably, a privileged and flexible time of life in many respects. (How much liberty I have to reflect on these things!--It's a blessing and, at times, a great curse.) It can be so easy to overlook that, and to fail to wrest what joy out of it one can. It's far easier to look at the piles of half-skimmed books and the empty spaces on the CV and feel it more as burden than gift, more unrealized ideal than opportunity seized.

Of course, grad school has been -- or at least in the past few years has become -- just one piece of a much bigger, more hopeful picture, many parts of which remain fuzzy. It isn't the endgame. It helps to remind myself of that -- it helps me to lay hold of each day a little more firmly, knowing that someday I'll look back on these years, even the more tedious and uncertain parts, with fond gratitude.

In the past couple of years, after all, I've become more focused on quiet steadfastness than memorable highs and lows. I'm more convinced that real joy is found in ordinariness and routine and stumbling all over myself trying to learn to love, not so much in the dramatic moments, or in loving every second of my job. (I could be wrong here, or selling myself short. Honestly though, if I can't "feel" in love with the Lord, or my husband, every second of my life, how on earth can I expect to feel that way about my career?) The only trick I know is perseverance. And also believing that the Lord isn't in the business of wasting us. If the goal is our sanctification, not for our sakes alone but ultimately for His, then real joy is not a feeble hope we muster up, but a promise hard-won on our behalf. Would it make sense to say...all of this is not just a prelude to something better (though in a way, it's that), but it's training us to be able to bear such joy? What do you think?

Worship & emotion -- some of my thoughts

In my last post, I asked some questions about worship and emotion. I'm going to share a few thoughts of my own, in hopes that it'll become clearer where those questions are coming from.

I think this is a very complicated question, because emotions are very complicated. For instance: if someone is having a difficult time being emotionally engaged in worship, it could be attributable to any number of things. That person could be depressed (which can muddle one's affect in all kinds of ways); she could be having a rough morning; she simply might not be a very "emotional" person; or the Holy Spirit could be convicting her heart of something. It could be any of those things, or a combination. Often, the answer isn't clear-cut. I know it usually isn't, for me.

For that reason, I have become rather suspicious of relying on emotions to gauge my spiritual state. While there is definitely a time and place for looking into one's own heart, I have found that in my case, such introspection can serve to turn my gaze away from Christ. I don't think it is wrong to be emotional in worship. But there have been times when I beat myself up over not being able to muster enough or the "right kind" of emotion. I've had to learn that being rather reserved, even detached, doesn't necessarily mean there is something wrong with my heart, that I'm not worshiping "authentically," or not being fed.

In the end, of course, worship isn't about me. It is all about Him. If there's any way that my little faith can glorify Him, I can only imagine it's because I'm forced to cling entirely to Him--even, or especially, when I sense nothing but emptiness on my side. Because it's so rare, when I do feel fully attuned to the liturgy, in heart as well as mind, I can do nothing but receive it as a sheer gift of grace!

I may try to write a third post thinking about the objectivity of worship and whether it's possible to cultivate a habit of joy. In the meantime, I am happy to hear your thoughts (especially if I'm off base on anything), whether via comment or email.

Worship and emotion...thoughts?

Here's something I've been thinking about for awhile. This isn't a "here's what's going on in my life" post, and it's more introspective than I envision most of my posts being; but I know that if any of my Christian friends have thoughts along these lines, I'd be glad to hear them.

For you, what kind of relationship is there between worship and emotion? That is, on a typical Sunday in church, how much do your feelings correspond to what is taking place in worship? How much should they correspond? From your perspective, is worship more of a subjective experience, or more objective, or does neither of those words really suffice?

I'm trying to choose my words carefully, but if what I'm asking is unclear, please let me know. And if nobody answers, whether here or "off-blog," that's quite okay too. It's just something I've been musing over for some time; and while I might follow this up with more personal thoughts, I'm not going to use this space to declare a right or wrong answer, and certainly not as a platform for theological debate.

Finally posting about California

My husband and I just had the opportunity to visit Southern California for a week -- for the first time in far too long. It was wonderful! Even though I took some academic work with me, I was more relaxed than I have been in quite some time. So relaxed, in fact, that I couldn't be bothered to take any pictures worth posting here...sorry about that! (I'm usually preoccupied with capturing good shots of everything, so this was unusual!)

This won't be a narrative of our whole trip, but here are a few things we did, as well as some quick impressions about California in general...

• I'm still in awe of how beautiful it often is. The rugged canyons and mountains between Simi and Malibu practically overpowered me after two years in Missouri. The Pacific is wonderful; my mother-in-law took us for a memorable birthday lunch right on the beach! Of the natural wonders we saw that day, however, I think the memory of the mountains has lingered with me the most.
• Speaking of the natural world and its quirks, I like palm trees. Until I spent two years in the Bay Area, I was half convinced that they only existed in Disney cartoons, typically swaying to ukulele music. And to this day, I find the concept of palm trees, not to mention their prevalence, somehow surprising.
• Spending time with Kevin's college friends is fun. Earlier in our marriage, I let myself feel intimidated by the Torrey crowd, but that is less the case nowadays; I just enjoy them, and Biola people in general. I love spending time on the campus because it holds so many memories for my husband. (He did a great job of lecturing there the night before we flew out of town.) Will & Amanda's wedding was also lovely. It's so helpful to hear a truly good wedding sermon from time to time! It renews my desire to see that my marriage tells the truth about Christ and His Church.
• It's fun going to In-N-Out Burger every so often.
• Mostly, I am amazed that California can feel like home to me in any measure. It's something I never had any reason to expect. In the summer of 2006, my mom and I followed a dusty loop through Needles, California, between northern Arizona and Las Vegas, just so that I could say I had set foot in California. I didn't think it likely I would be back there again. Two years later, I moved there. (Admittedly to Berkeley, not Needles. One could argue that Northern California really counts as a different state...!) 
• In all seriousness, I have been thinking how gracious God is in giving us places to love that we never expected to lay claim on our affections. More especially by forging bonds of love among people. My family is bigger than it was merely four years ago, which is truly a joy for me, something God has been pleased to bring about for His own glory.

Speaking of beloved places, for all that I've almost felt like an honorary Torrey alumna in recent years, I'm reminded that my own college years were spent not in Southern California, but in southwest Virginia; in a pocket of Appalachia I haven't seen in six years and that Kevin has never seen. It would be good to reconnect, I think. I wonder how we might work that into our next travel adventure?